Thiry-Three

My brother kept this quote posted in his old apartment in California, on the inside of his front door.  It was always the very last thing you would see when leaving his house.

"On the plains of hesitation lie the blackened bones of countless millions who at the dawn of victory lay down to rest, and in resting died."

I liked it so much I copied it down in one of my notebooks late one night, then copied it down again once I was back in my office.  It sits now, on a lined piece of notebook paper, taped to my monitor at work.  I look at it daily, forcing myself to read, to pay attention to the words.   

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About a week ago I was in a yoga class.  We were working on a newer pose, one I'd only tried once or twice before.  As I worked, twisting, bending, and contorting my right leg, all the while trying to maintain my balance on my left leg, the instructor came over to reposition me slightly.  "You've got it in you, Kelli" she said, in reference to my attempted pose.  "You're just not quite sure where you're going."

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 I'm not quite sure she even realized how applicable that statement can be at certain times in my life.  Yoga poses...and beyond.

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At this point, I have been 33 for 5 days of my life.  While this birthday snuck up on me in the fashion that all birthdays tend to as of late (seriously, 32.  Where did you go? ) I've also been busy giving 33 a lot of thought over the few weeks leading up to its arrival.  I mean, 33.  I stress that number in a good sense - what a gift these 33+ years have been, but I also say it in a sort of dumb-founded, how did I ever even get to be this age sort of sense.  Because none of us ever think we're really the age we are, right?  For me, even in college and those first early years of struggling through my twenties after school, I was never truly able to imagine my life beyond 26 or so.  And yet, here I am.  And oh, so glad for it.  There have been a few very sudden, very recent, very unexpected reminders in my world lately of just how precious and fleeting life is, of how quickly and how instantaneously things can change.  

There is a part of me that wonders at times if I'm truly where I'm supposed to be in life, if all of the decisions I have made throughout these 33 years of mine have led me to the right place, if I've been making the best, the right decisions. There are moments when I forget to be gentle with myself, to remember that all of the decisions I've made have been to the very best of my abilities, that I, too, (shocker) am only human.  A 33 year old human, who somehow, so far, has managed to carve out a content, lovely little life for herself, filled with so very many things to be grateful for.  Birthdays can be a good reminder for these sorts of things, I find.  They're a chance to reset our internal clocks to a "new year" for just us; an opportunity to reset our mindset, our internal clocks, to plan anew.   

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Earlier this year, a new found friend and I vowed to stop wasting time.  Oh you know how easy it is - to take these days for granted, to always count on a tomorrow, to "get to it later."  She and I made a pact of sorts, a pact of doing it now, of not always counting on all those weeks, months, and years we think we might have ahead of us. 

I am making 33 - MY very own 33rd year - about using my time, my days to the very best of my ability.  We're less than a week in, but I find this revived mindset utterly refreshing.  Because really. What are we all waiting for?  

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The first time I realized that I could actually travel to Australia one day - a country that has always held a bit of a fascination in my mind - was when I was 16.  I was visiting an older family friend down in Georgia, during the 1996 Olympic Games and we were wandering around a bookstore together.  We stumbled upon a coffee table book about Australia, my friend picked it up and thumbed through the pages.  "I want to go to Australia," she said, sighing. "Wouldn't it be amazing just to wander around there on a trip?"  I nodded in agreement. She sighed again.  "But, I'm not sure if I'll ever make that trip.  Maybe someday."

As far as I know, she has still never been to Australia.

I thought about going Down Under when my work visa in the U.K. wore out many years ago, considered extended my backpacking lifestyle to the other side of the globe directly from Europe.  But, then, reality got the best of me.  That, and my traveling funds were severely diminished.  So to the back burner it was for Australia, where she has sat patiently for years upon years.

I'm not quite sure why the sudden renewed interest, beyond the simple fact that I just think it is time.  It is time for me to travel (literally) to the other side of the world.  It is time for me to see Australia.  I have no plane ticket, I have no travel dates set, I have no solid, firmed up plans for this trip just yet.  But I am doing my research and my homework.  I am laying the groundwork. I am reaching out to my Aussie friends who live there, I am reading heaps about the country.  And I have the utmost intent that this trip will happen, at 33, in 2013.  

Because I will not waste these precious days.  No sir. I intend - I resolve - to soak them up, drink them down, and cherish all of them - even the lousy ones when we sort of wish we'd just stayed in bed - because they're all, totally and completely, ours.

For what big plans are ahead of us, my friends!  And we all have so very much to celebrate. 

“We shall never have more time. We have, and have always had, all the time there is. No object is served in waiting until next week or even until tomorrow. Keep going day in and day out. Concentrate on something useful. Having decided to achieve a task, achieve it at all costs.”

Arnold Bennett