Thirteen years can feel like an awfully long time. When I think back on my own life and where I was thirteen years ago it truly feels like another lifetime. And yet, of course, it can also feel like a mere blink of an eye, a lightening-fast rush of days that turned to weeks, then, suddenly, to years.
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Last week, I was on vacation in Wyoming. We tackled corners of Idaho and Montana as well, spending our days wandering through Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Park, falling in love with Jackson and craving nothing but more time to continue exploring such an utterly amazing, magical, awe-inspiring place.
One morning after breakfast, my friend and I made our way up to Signal Mountain in the Tetons. While I don't actually think it's possible to find a "bad" view in the entire region, the summit of Signal was particularly impressive, offering us a straight shot view of the two largest mountains in the Tetons - Mount Moran and Grand Teton. What made the climb that morning all the more special was the quiet and solitude we found at the summit; in what can be a busy spot filled with other tourists and nature lovers, we found ourselves completely alone. Just us and those glorious Tetons. My friend and I wandered around together for a few moments, snapping pictures and oohing and aahing for the millionth time at the views. Then, as these things tend to go, we separated quietly, without officially planning to, both of us sitting in solitude, absorbing our surroundings.
I don't know all that my friend was thinking while she sat twenty feet away from me, but I know that as I sat on a smooth rock, warmed by the summer sun, staring at the indescribable beauty in front of me, one thought kept running through my head: I'm here. How lucky, how grateful. To just be here.
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Sometimes, when I'm talking with friends or family, if the conversation shifts towards certain life philosophies or outlooks, I can, occasionally, pick up on a sense of annoyance or frustration geared toward me, and my (generally) optimistic outlook on things. Misery loves company, after all, doesn't it? I wonder, at times, if people think my comments about the good fortune that surrounds so many of us, means I have blinders on, that I've chosen not to acknowledge or see the bad, that I am simply a Pollyanna.
But this is not the case.
I can have really lousy days, I can find myself in some frustrating and nasty moods. I can snap at people when I'm tired, hungry, or annoyed. I don't always find the "pleasure" in standing on a crowded subway car or dealing with a hassle regarding insurance or bills or the rest of it.
And of course, I am fully aware that there are some terrible, horrible, really ugly and awful sides to this world. People are mean and cruel. Life is messy and dirty and really lousy stuff happens to both really amazing and really awful people alike, indiscriminately. This life, our days, can be hard - with road block after road block plopped down in our respective paths.
I am not naive to this, nor unaware.
Instead though, I think it's knowing the evils, the dangers, the heartaches that lurk around corners that makes me all the more grateful and aware of when I've got it good. So often we hear about people who had a brush with cancer or some other horrible disease or accident. If they (hopefully) make it to the other side, if the chemo or radiation or therapy or other treatments work, we read the testaments about how happy they are for each sunrise they are given, how grateful they are for each and every normal day; for the gift of all of these days they took for granted so often in the "before."
Not everyone sees things my way, of this I am well aware, and I'm sure there are plenty of people who still might be rolling their eyes at my outlook. But that's just the thing. I want to be grateful before there's an experience or an incident that makes me realize all that I took for granted. With a good education, my health, a great support group of friends and family, a passion and the opportunity for seeing, doing, and experiencing so very much of what the world has to offer, I am already so very blessed - far more than so many other people born on this planet ever will be. And so much of that is pure chance and luck. (With some hard work and determination thrown in for good measure.)
If I can't be grateful and aware of all of that? If I'm too selfish to be unaccountable for all of those extraordinary blessings? Then really, what is the point?
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A few years ago, I read an interview with one of my favorite authors, Colum McCann. His words in the article on writing, on living, resonated so much that I wrote them down:
"It's strange but as I grow older, I find myself developing more optimism. I keep inching toward the point where I believe that it's more difficult to have hope than it is to embrace cynicism. In the deep dark end, there's no point unless we have at least a modicum of hope. ... I also think the real bravery comes with those who are prepared to go through that door and look at the world in all its grime and torment, and still find something of value, no matter how small. ... I don't mean for this to sound trite, but I really like life. I enjoy my time here. ... I have a theory that a lot of the light rises up from beneath us: We have to keep moving in order for it to surround us."
Or. Perhaps it's all much more simpler than that.
Light is the only thing that will drive out darkness. No matter how small, how meek a flame, a glow or a flicker of light, it is stronger than the darkness. Every time.
And so I choose the mountains, the sky, the salty ocean air, the skyscrapers, the pavement. I choose hope. I choose love. I choose gratitude.
I choose light.
1 comment:
You have always had a positive attitude. You have found your way to that special place of gratitude & contentment. But don't forget (and I know you won't), Kel, that many people struggle with finding that contentment. It isn't just the news of the day or pressing life responsibilities or events that shape us. Many struggle with long-standing issues that plaque their existence long into adulthood. Your insight into finding a better way should be shared with those who are still looking for the right path. You are blessed as you know.
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