Half Way Point.

Just about three weeks ago, I finished my first year of business school.  One year done.  One year to go.  I realize the general theme of the past year of my life has been about how fast it has been moving, how quickly both semesters flew by, how I sometimes have to triple check the calendar not regarding what day it is but the actual month because time is on warp speed.  The fastest, most challenging year of my life, no question.

And also, one of the very best.

When I accepted the admission's offer last May and began to tell my friends about the program, I was met with both encouragement and shock.  "You're going to do what? For how long? Every other weekend? The drive is how far?  And you're still working during all of this?"

I find, if you're already feeling the slightest bit nervous or apprehensive about a decision you have made that these kinds of comments do not ever help. (Yet people cannot help but say them, naturally.)  Sure, if you're actively weighing pros and cons, maybe that sort of input is appreciated.  However, more often than not every thought - particularly the negative ones - have already been thought 18,000 times in one's own mind many times over.  I mean, trust me, I HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT.  It is not always easy - actually, I find it really, really challenging - to keep the naysaying at bay, to forge forward despite potential challenges and hardships but we have do, don't we?  What is the point otherwise? 

As my friend says, and which I wrote about back in July when I first dipped my toe in this new grad school pool, that you throw your backpack over the wall.  Once you do, you have no choice left but to go get it.

After I submitted my deposit and knew I would be embarking on this MBA adventure, I printed out the first year's schedule, hung it on my fridge.  The trick, I realized, would be not to think about the whole two years all at once but instead to take it semester by semester, week by week.  I started keeping track.  When I'd return home brainy weary, tired, and bleary eyed on Sunday evening after a class weekend, I'd grab a pen and cross off the days I had just spent in the classroom, another weekend done and in the books.  When the month was done, I'd cross it off as well. Weekend by weekend, month by month, bird by bird, I would make it through.

And then, suddenly.  Year One Done.

At the end of last semester, I wrote a bit about some things I felt I'd realized or learned during the first semester of school - beyond those necessary classes like Accounting (necessary evil), and Statistics (ugh), and Economics (yay).  Now, as I sit here, reflecting on the second semester and all the material that was crammed into my brain in Operations (dear Lord), Marketing (so great), and Finance (no thanks), I realize once again that I have learned so many things beyond the material covered in lectures and our textbooks and required knowledge for final exams.  The effect of this program is immediate and wonderful.  I can see myself making decisions and changes in my day to day job based on material I have just learned the weekend before.  If I take a step back and watch myself as if I was a fly on the wall when I run a meeting, I can hear a different tone in my voice, more authoritative.  I feel more confident, know that I deserve a seat at the table just as much as any other player does.  I can think big picture, I can plan for end goals, suddenly I can look at things from a variety of business perspectives that I had not ever tapped into before. 

The end result of having this degree should mean growth and opportunity in all manners of the word.  For that I am of course invested and excited.  It is an expensive venture, this graduate level education, one I do not take for granted.  When I think back over the past year, I think a lot about how busy I was, how many things I had to let slide or put on hold simply because I was stretched to the limit. And then I think about how happy I have been, along every part of this new adventure - even when I have been feeling stressed and tired and cranky - because I am suddenly challenged anew.  I am discovering parts of myself I never knew existed, I am learning things I never thought I would understand.  Most of all, I am doing it.  I am doing a thing that frightened me, that I wasn't sure I would be able to do.  It is not always easy - in fact it is really, really hard - but I am doing it. I am working hard and doing my best and I feel so much stronger and braver for it. 

Last spring, as I was weighing the decision whether or not to enroll in the program, I mentioned the pressure and stress of the cost of school to a dear friend.  "Look," she said.  "A house can burn down.  A car can be crashed. But no one - NO ONE - will ever be able to take your brain away from you.  If you're going to do it, your mind is the best investment you can make."

And it is.
The best investment.
The best decision.
The best climb over that wall of my life to go get my backpack, yet.