No Hard Feelings.

Tomorrow morning I will bid farewell to my 37^th year of circling the sun and step into year number 38.  38!  Oh, it all moves so fast.

I always view our birthdays as our own “new year”, a fresh start and a new personal trip around that glorious sun.  Last weekend, while thinking about this impending birthday, I found myself ready for 38, ready to say goodbye to my 37 = heaven year.  Never one to really wish away days or time, I found that I was dwelling on all the lousy crap that had occurred during the course of 37 (and believe me, there was plenty of it) and I couldn’t wait to say adieu.

Tonight though, after work, I treated myself to a pre-birthday facial at a beautiful spa not far from my office.  What luxury! It helped, naturally, that my aesthetician told me I had great skin and she never would have guessed my age.  But, her real gift to me, was a few minutes left alone.  For after she was finished slathering creams and exfoliants and doing all that aestheticians do, she rubbed a final cream across my face and placed a towel over my eyes. “Now, you just lay here for a few minutes until I give a knock on the door.  Reflect on all that 37 was for you.”

I took a deep breath as she walked out of the room, left there alone on that comfortable bed, and I did what she told me.  37.  Deep breath. Oh, 37.

This year, my year – I graduated from an Ivy League university with a MBA; which I got while working full time and that I worked my ass off for two years for.  I visited new places, saw new things. I traveled to 3 countries I had never before been to - Mexico, India, the UAE. I started a new job.  I enrolled in yoga teacher training.  I met new people. I read great books. I visited dear friends, my dear parents.  After two years of non-stop work and school, I suddenly was given the gift of time once again.  I saw some excellent movies, I got to see Hamilton on Broadway.  I took a lot of yoga classes. I laughed with friends and I cried with them. I got angry, I got hurt, I got perspective. I traveled - solo, with friends, with classmates, in a now defunct relationship. I am trying to learn to meditate. I lost my beloved cat, my sweet Sophia, who I miss immensely every single day. I found new music, made time to listen to my favorite artists again.  I rediscovered – for better and for worse – what time spent alone felt like; how it could hurt, what gifts it could offer up.  I sped up, I slowed down.  I made mistakes. I made good choices. I had some failures. I had some victories. I grew some healthy plants, I worked to eat well, I focused a lot on gratitude. I tried to treat myself with a patient heart, practicing self-care.  Most of all, I learned. A lot.  I grew in ways I thought I might and in ways I never would have guessed.  I was scared some days, I was brave others.  I lived.  

And for that, my dear 37, a year that will never come again, I am so immensely and incredibly grateful.