Adios 2017.

I am sure 2017 was good to a lot of people across the world but in my circle and my own little universe I can safely say this year was not my favorite.  In fact, I can't think of anyone who isn't ready to bid adios to this year...now in just a matter of hours.  My blogging habit and posting frequency may have left something to be desired this year, but this is an annual tradition I always look forward to - 38 questions to reflect and close out one year and usher in the bright and shiny new one.

Welcome, 2018.  I am so glad you're almost here.

1. What did you do in 2017 that you'd never done before?
Got my MBA.
Took a new job in July.
Traveled to India, UAE, Mexico, Arches National Park in Utah, Dallas/Fort Worth.
Started yoga teacher training. 
Did a headstand without any assistance.
Saw Hamilton on Broadway.

2. Did you keep your new years resolutions and will you make more for next year?
What I wrote last year: For 2017, I'm trying to keep it simple - be brave and be present.  I'd like to simply be present, enjoy and really BE at each moment I am given...and not be afraid of taking leaps into the unknown.

The first half of 2017, I did a rather terrible job at being present. Every minute was planned and accounted for and I felt that I was rushing every day from one thing to the next trying to get it all done.  Between a very hectic schedule with school, a job that was making me miserable, and a relationship that was slowly coming apart at the seams, I was gradually morphing into someone I didn't even recognize.  The first half of the year was good to me in a lot of ways but it was crazed even in its goodness.  Then the calendar flipped to June and things I'd planned for and expected all came to a sudden and screeching halt.  Suffices it to say the summer of 2017 pretty much sucked and left me down and out for the count.

As the seasons shifted from summer to fall, I began to look inward and decided to focus on what I actually could control.  I started yoga teacher training in September which meant I was doing more yoga than ever before.  I started meditating. These two things helped calm me down, helped ground me. I will be losing my beloved apartment that has been home for almost ten years next year and while the reality of this sucks, knowing it's coming has forced me to pay close attention to my apartment while I still have it; to notice things I utterly adore and love about it - like the way the light shifts and moves across the rooms throughout the day.  I realized I felt less anxious when I focused on gratitude, which goes hand in hand with being present.  All of this is a long winded way, I suppose, of saying that I've been more present in the last three months of 2017 than I have all year.  And because this year has been anything but easy I imagine I've relied on bravery in tiny moments, step by step, so I guess my resolutions for 2017 weren't a complete and total bust. 

But oh, I am so ready to bide adieu to 2017 and usher in a new year! 

In 2018 I want to perceive circumstances with love, not fear.  I hope I can live up to the following mantras I have set for myself, my intentions for 2018:
Be open.
Have faith.
Trust myself.
Be Kind.
Be Good.
Be Ambitious.

And on the more tangible side of things - I want to get back to writing creatively again, to travel for fun more, and to find a way to get horseback riding back in my life.


3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
One of my dear friends had twin girls this fall. (hi, Karen!)


4. Did anyone close to you die?
My Uncle Jim died on June 23rd.
On June 24th, I had to have my sweet and beloved cat Sophia put down.  My heart is still broken and I miss her so.


5. What countries did you visit?
Mexico
India
United Arab Emirates

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?
More faith that I am on the right path; that the universe has my back. To remember these words from the poem Desiderata:
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
Memorial Day weekend, my Cornell graduation
June 24th, the day Sophia died
July 28th, the day I started my new job

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Completing my MBA

9. What was your biggest failure?
Losing my ability to take a step back and assess certain situations with a clear and level head.
Not keeping the faith.
Faltering a bit in simply trusting myself.
Letting other people's treatment of/attitude toward me get under my skin and affect me more than it should have.


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Thankfully, no.


11. What was the best thing you bought?
The last semester of my masters degree.
Yoga Teacher Training.
Plane Tickets.
Quality yoga gear - it makes more of a difference than I'd have ever guessed.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
The #metoo Silence Breakers


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The scumbags who are suddenly having to deal with a little thing called consequences - Harvey Weinstein, Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Lewis C.K., Kevin Spacey, and on and on and on... 

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, paying tuition back to my old job when I left, Jeep maintenance, yoga teacher training, travel.

15. What did you get really excited about?
finishing school, my new job, the opportunity to do yoga teacher training, going to India, getting free time back after school finished.


16. What song will always remind you of 2017?
No Hard Feelings by The Avett Brothers. 
I'm paraphrasing my dear friend Matt when I say - 2017 brought a lot of lousy events but it's also the year he and I both first heard this song. So there's that.


17. Compared to this time last year are you a)happier or sadder b) thinner or fatter c) richer or poorer?
a) it's been a hell of a year, but overall I would actually say happier - compared to this time last year at least.
b) thinner
c) richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
trusting myself and my intuition, keeping the faith.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
worrying, feeling anxious and panicked, doubting myself.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I was down in Georgia with my Mom at her house, along with the best dog on the planet, Bailey.


21. Did you fall in love in 2017?
Not romantically, no.
2017 did hand me a lot of valuable life lessons though which shifted my focus and realigned a lot of my thoughts. This ultimately reminded me of the importance of being open to love from those beautiful souls who are ready and willing to give it.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Stranger Things for the 80's nostalgia alone.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Can I hate this question? To me hate is a black/white word in a very gray world.  Let's say there are a few people that fell into the gray space for me this year.

24. What was the best book you read?
 It's a toss up between Plainsong by Kent Haruf and Commonwealth by Ann Patchett.


25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
No Hard Feelings by The Avett Brothers (see question #16.)

26. What did you want and get?
My MBA, a new job with a better work environment and support, more time with my friends, less rushing all over, the opportunity to do yoga teacher training with my favorite Boston yoga instructor, more free time for things I enjoy.

27. What did you want and not get?
A romantic relationship that lasted, more visits with my nephew and my brother, some clarity about where I should live.


28. What was your favorite film of the year?
LION.
Hands down, no question. I adored that movie.

29. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I turned 38 in September. At the last minute I decided to take the day off.  I woke up feeling anxious and panicked, putting a lot of pressure on the day.  (Then I got mad at myself for being stressed and anxious.)  I met a girlfriend for lunch, got a massage, bought a jacket I had coveted for years, got a manicure, had dinner with good friends...and watched the day turn-around, falling asleep happy by the end of it.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
No. More. Drama.


31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?
I'm not sure my fashion concept is changing that much any more year to year.  I know what I like by now and I have outfits/styles that "look" like me. (Most of them involve blue and white stripes.)

32. What kept you sane?
Yoga. Yoga. Yoga.
Supportive friends.
Time near the ocean.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Oh, Jake Gyllenhaal of course.


34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Let's keep it simple, shall we? Anything our reactive, fame-hungry, idiotic president tweets or rambles inappropriately about.  We'd be here all night if I started listing each and every one of his numbskull actions. 

35. Who did you miss?
My brother.  My nephew.  My sweet cat, Sophia. Friends that live too far away. 

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I'm cheating a bit and naming a group of people - my new team of co-workers at the new job.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017?
Life gives us a choice.  We can look for the love, the good, the light.  Or we can focus on the bad, the cruel, the dark.  What we focus on is so often what we create.  I want to bring the light; to carry the flashlight into the dark.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.  

I know your heart don't beat like anybody else
And all these burning battlefields are now behind us
Life has brought us here together to remind us
That love will rise above it all and just keep growing
Life keeps flowing, and every moment starts right here with us

(Sorry Signs on Cash Machines by Mason Jennings)