Rise Like The Day

Last weekend I took a day trip to the beach with a friend and her two and a half year old daughter.  It took a car ride for the little lady to get over her initial shyness but one we'd arrived at the beach and felt the sand between our toes, she warmed right up to me, "Keh-de."  After we'd settled in to a spot and set up beach chairs, the little lady and I made our way down to the water's edge, granting my friend/her Mom, pregnant with baby number two, a few brief moments of solitude and rest.  I wasn't quite sure how my little toddler friend would feel about the water as some babes get nervous or anxious, others flock to it without a moment of hesitation. Turns out Allie fell into the latter mindset.  She ran, without fear, directly to the ocean giggling hysterically every time the water lapped at her feet; running away from the waves as fast as her little toddler legs would carry her, only to turn right back around and run into the ocean again.  I stood nearby watching her - listening to her shrieks of delight, watching her eyes sparkle, and soaking in her pure unbridled joy. It was infectious.

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So much of the world has gone mad. Shocking news stories and updates find us at every turn, all of them seemingly more horrible than the last.  Even in my own mundane day to day routine there are annoying frustrations, challenges, worries.  Of course there are.

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I remember one of the last arguments I had with a boyfriend before we would break up being about my personality.  Or more to the point, his issues with my personality.  I was too happy-go-lucky for his liking, too quick to find a silver lining, to focused on being grateful for the blessings that surrounded me, too focused on being optimistic. (Red flag, red flag, red flag.)    I recall trying to explain to him, after the initial sting of his comments wore off, that I made a choice to find the good, to seek out the wonder.  Every single day I made that choice.  And some days when life is smiling at you, it's an easy choice.  Other days it's harder, more work.  Because yes, we can be honest and recognize that even in my very fortunate and privileged life, there are shitty things that happen.  But for every lousy occurrence there is a beautiful one.  There are three beautiful ones.  There is more good than bad, of that I am sure.  And I flat out refuse to let the darkness overshadow the light.  It does not, it cannot get to win. Not today.  Not now.

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Life has, as it seems to always do these days in my grown up life, been moving far too fast.  I've got boatloads of things I want to write about and seem to have thoughts and comments spilling out of my brain faster than I can get pen to paper or fingers to keys these days.  There are some big ticket items on my mind, there are some issues on a personal level and then on a far more global scale that weigh on me.  I do not hold an unrealistic Pollyanna view.  Truthfully, there were, in the second half of 2017 particularly, a lot of moments when I simply couldn't find the silver lining and focused only on the bad.  And yet.  Eventually I dug out.  I worked hard  to rise above the things that were getting me down. So yes, it is work.  A conscious effort.  And yes, I know there are a lot of people that really want to find the light but simply can't no matter how hard they try. My heart hurts for them immensely.  But because I can usually find those silver linings and I'm blessedly predisposed to appreciate the glass is half-full I feel I have even more of a duty to work at it.  I refuse to not notice the beauty that I'm fortunate to have in front of me every. single. one. of my lucky living days.  You have to notice the good when its there.  You have to be grateful, particularly during the beautiful and happy times.  I think that is the only thing that can get us through the bad.

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In early June I spent a long weekend on one of my favorite places on earth, Martha's Vineyard, for a yoga retreat.  This yoga retreat has become an annual event for me, I've been going for the last four or five years.  Last year, 2017, I drove down to catch the ferry over to Oak Bluffs in a pretty miserable and dark state.  There were plenty of storms-a-brewing in my personal life and a lot of my world was in flux.  It was hard.  I was angry.  I was sad.  In general,  I felt lousy.  (And the kicker - it got worse than I imagined it could  before it got better.)

But my point is, it did get better.  Not right away, not with one huge big sweeping presto change.  But as I drove down this year, 2018, I felt better.  Lighter.  Which isn't to say I suddenly have zero problems or stressors, ha!  In fact, I'm worried there is another round of challenges and darkness just around the bend.  Still, this year, this June, something felt like it had shifted, like a weight was lifted.  

Look what a year can do, I thought to myself.  Just look what a year can do.