Alone, Together.

When all of this news about the pandemic and staying at home first started swirling a month ago (and later, that following week when it felt like everything started to snowball very fast and this was in fact not a situation that was going to blow over quickly) I began to think to myself about what I would do with all the extra time I'd have while homebound - I'd read, I'd catch up on movies and television shows, I'd conquer long ignored projects, I'd get back to writing on my blog, etc., etc.

Ha.  Except my brain will not quiet itself long enough to focus on a book, so much of television has just felt like extra noise to me right now, and I just can't seem to carve out the space for my beloved writing.

But.  Here we are, here I am, trying today. In this moment.  I try and I try again.
I have nothing unique to write here about these strange times we all find ourselves living in and yet. I felt compelled to come back to this space, to check in and say hello.

How are we doing out there, friends?  How am I doing out here, self?

Like most everyone I have run through every emotion possible in the last few weeks, sometimes swinging back and forth between extremes in a matter of minutes. One of my friends said the other day that instead of asking people the generic "how are you doing?" that maybe it would be better if we started rephrasing the question to ask "how are you right this moment?"

Valid.

Last week I was not my best self - I was grumpy and frustrated most of each day.  Compound that with then being annoyed at myself for being in such a bad mood - and well, it's a vicious circle my friends.  Desperate to change my attitude I decided to return to my gratitude journal.  This was a habit that I tried to practice during the "old normal" but let lapse in the pandemic. In the "old normal" I'd list five things I was grateful for each day.  Five felt ambitious for a pandemic but I promised myself that each night, before bed, I would find three good things about every day in quarantine.  Now I write them down before I turn out my light and let my head hit the pillow.

It helps.

Sometimes that list includes things as mighty as my and my family's health and the good, great fortune to have a job that allows me to work remotely. Other days my list includes things as simple as a hot cup of coffee and the sun shining.  Which, if we're splitting hairs are also pretty mighty and powerful too.

So right now, in this moment, I am okay.

And I hope that you are too.

But I know other moments I won't be okay - and neither will you.  This is hard.  This is so hard for each and every one of us and I realize we are all tested in new and unique ways daily. As cliche as it sounds to say that we're all in this together, it's the truth. And in my lowest moments it helps me to remember that I could say to anyone in the world right now - literally anyone in the entire world - that this is hard - and they would know instantly and exactly what I meant.  I find knowing that immensely comforting.  And somehow, knowing it's hard for all of us makes it just a tad easier too.