The Journey is Here.

Last week, I hit the 20 year anniversary of my college graduation.  Twenty years! It just doesn't seem possible! And yet, here we are.  

While I'm amazed that 20 years have come and gone, I don't necessarily still feel 21. I definitely cannot party like a 21 year old by any stretch, nor am I hip to the latest pop stars or TikTok apps or trends. (Honestly, what do 20 somethings even talk about now?) I think about how late I'd sleep as a 21 year old on the weekends, how brand new and novel everything seemed to me at that age and I'm slightly bewildered at how much I had to experience and learn. But don't we all secretly still feel like kids inside? That's the kind of 21 year old feeling that hits me every once in awhile, completely out of the blue. 

A couple of years ago, I remember being at work on a summer Friday morning.  Our editorial assistant came over to me in a total panic over her weekend plans. Her boyfriend's car had broken down and her other friend was already at the beach, there was no ride for her, drama, drama, drama. I looked at her and calmly asked "well, why don't you just rent a car?"  She blinked back tears and looked at me like I had three heads. "But I'm only 21!"  

Oh, right. I had completely forgotten about the age barrier with rental cars. Youth!

As much as we'd all like to hold onto some aspects of our youth, I can't say that I really miss 21 all that much. It was a great run while I was there and for the most part I really enjoyed all of my twenties.  I loved my thirties very much.  I'm getting to know my forties - so far, so good.

One of the biggest things I've learned in these last 20 years is that... I know nothing.  The more I learn, the more of life I experience, I understand that I still have so much to learn.  This is maybe the biggest indicator I'm on one side of 40 versus one side of 20. When you're 21 you know everything, obviously.

As I hit this 20 year mark last Thursday, I started thinking about what I would tell my 21 year old self.  This is a popular game to play and there have been countless magazine articles written in this "Advice to my Younger Self" vein, so I'm not reinventing the wheel here. But if I could somehow magical transport the current me back to the banks of the Charles River, what would I tell young Kelli on that beautiful, sunny, perfect weather spring graduation day in 2001?  How would I whittle down my list of advice and tips? I'd skip the minor details of advice and suggestions, because I know my 21 year old self wouldn't listen anyway.  Plus, learning from our mistakes and trying to do better every day is sort of the point of this whole living and being human thing, right? How would I explain that the whole refrain you keep hearing as a graduate, about your whole life being in front of you, really IS true? You'll never fully realize that until you have the gift of hindsight, but trust me, your whole life REALLY is in front of you, a beautifully clean and unmarked slate.

- Don't be afraid. Life is hard and scary and bewildering and sad and a lot of times it does not make any sense. Life is also beautiful and funny and inspiring and lovely and you will be lucky enough to be hit with moments of unexpected joy which make you remember how truly fortunate you are to be here.

- Take nothing for granted.

- Work hard. Follow up. Keep reaching. 

- Don't give up. You will want to, many times. Keep going.

- You will make mistakes, have some missteps. Try not to be too hard on yourself. It happens to all of us.

- You'll make more mistakes.  It's okay.

- Trust yourself.

- Don't follow boys.

- Say yes to new experiences and new challenges even if you are nervous.  Still say yes.  Try it.  Say yes to every adventure or outing or proposed idea so long as there is the tiniest spark of excitement stirring in your belly.  Say yes to all of those.

- You're also allowed to say no whenever you want. Say it when there is none of that above mentioned excitement and then don't overthink it or apologize for saying it.

- Speak up for yourself. Don't worry so much about fallout from pushing back or being assertive. 

- Trust your gut. You already know yourself better than you think. The way you see and process and think about things is completely different than the way anyone else does. That is an amazing and beautiful thing. Don't discount it, don't shrink from it, do not feel like you should change your opinions or the way you see things to fit in.

- Be present and enjoy your days.  This one will probably be lost on you at 21, but it all goes so fast.  Trust me on this.  One day you're receiving your diploma and in the blink of an eye you're 20 years out from that day. Squeeze in as much fun and joy as possible. Enjoy the small delights of your days.

- I repeat, one last time, don't follow boys. Don't make decisions solely based on boys.  Do not let them put you down, do not let them hold you back.

- Keep being you (Be You! BU!) even when it feels like the world wants you to be someone else.

You have the entire world in front of you, kiddo. Go get 'em.  You're gonna do great.  

I'm proud of you.